i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
