Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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