bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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