He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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