how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Did I show you my penis last night?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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