so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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