We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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