when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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