i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
