I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
