i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
