Betty ford says i'm here all night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
