you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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