Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
