i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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