if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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