planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
