My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
