Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
