We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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