Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
