sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My life is pants optional.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
