I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
