Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
