i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You are a genius and a whore.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
