he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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