hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
