the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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