Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
