We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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