Fine. I'll sleep in my office
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
