I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
