you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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