At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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