You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
