Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
