i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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