Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
