i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
