I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
