you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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