My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
