i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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