I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
