smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
