If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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