its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
