my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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