I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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