Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
